


Bring Me Home

by Gooseberrybrains



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Barely Relationships, F/M, Gen, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Mostly Gen, POV Ginny Weasley, Post-Hogwarts, brief infidelity, focused on Ginny, marriage trouble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 08:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20690756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gooseberrybrains/pseuds/Gooseberrybrains
Summary: Some days were normal. Then there would be stretches, usually weeks at a time, where Harry would become moody. He would work long hours and then come home in a terrible mood and fall asleep on the couch. He was too tired and too sore to play with our son, and he seemed to have no interest in me at all. We would rarely talk, and when we did, it usually devolved into fighting. His misery was seeping into everything, spreading out across our home like the blackest of dementors.Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter are married, but happily ever after is never a guarantee.





	Bring Me Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a big jump from the type of stuff I usually write, so I hope everyone enjoys a change of pace!
> 
> To set the mood, I recommend listening to Bring Me Home by G Flip. I listened to it on repeat while writing this. 
> 
> Big thanks to moonllotus for being my beta!

“I’m worried about you two. You never communicate anymore. That’s not healthy.”

“Of course we don’t,” I exclaim, flinging my arms up in exasperation. “He’s never home! And when he is home he’s in a terrible mood, so I try to avoid him!”

My mother gives me one of her stern looks. “Well, you need to sit down with him once he’s feeling better and talk about everything. He needs to take care of himself so he can take care of his family. It’s not right.”

I sigh and press my hands into my eyes. “It’s not like we haven’t had this conversation several times already, mom. Nothing changes. I don’t know what else to do.” My voice cracks on the last words and I swallow hard trying to compose myself. “I’ve gotta get going. Thanks again for watching James.”

I shrug on my jacket and slip out of the door before my mom can start talking again. I make it to the end of the drive before the tears start falling and I swipe at them angrily. It’s not like crying about it is going to do me any good. The problem is that I don’t know what to do, and so I’ve been avoiding the issue. Unfortunately, nothing can be ignored forever and the more time that went by, the worse it all seemed to get. 

I’m getting ahead of myself here. If you truly want to understand, I need to start at the beginning. Harry and I have been married for nearly eight years. Everything was perfect at first. He was my best friend, and we got along great. Sure, sometimes I would get upset that he worked so much but it was never a big issue. Outside of work, we did everything together and therefore shared a lot of the same friends. 

We went through a bit of a rough patch about two years into our marriage once we decided that we wanted to have children. Still, despite the miscarriages, fertility testing, and heartache, we were happy together. When the third pregnancy stuck after another two years of trying and we were blessed with a beautiful baby, I was thrilled. It was probably the happiest time of my life. I had a great husband and the sweet baby that I had wished so hard for. 

So as most stories go, things were great until they weren’t. Now the first thing you need to know about Harry is that he never talks about anything personally important. So when the depression started, I didn’t know at first. Not until he kept going to healer appointments and returning with new potions. Then there were trips to the emergency department at Saint Mungo’s. Each time with heart palpitations and dizziness, each time they found nothing wrong. 

More tests were done. Tests that I had to fight for because Harry wouldn’t. Appointments that I pushed for and I went with him to, just to make sure that  _ somebody  _ would speak up because he sure as hell wasn’t. This went on for months before we finally had an answer. Chronic Malady Syndrome. There was no cure and very little was known about treating it. Symptoms included depression, anxiety, mood swings, joint pain, insomnia, etc. All things that Harry had been struggling with, but never spoke to me about. 

There were specialists, we were told. Healers that have researched on this condition specifically may have a better idea of how to manage the symptoms. I had hoped at first, until Harry had given up on the appointments. Until every one of my efforts to encourage him began to turn into my mother’s favorite brand of nagging. I stopped trying after that. I couldn’t force him to do anything and I didn’t want to try. 

Some days were normal. Then there would be stretches, usually weeks at a time, where Harry would become moody. He would work long hours and then come home in a terrible mood and fall asleep on the couch. He was too tired and too sore to play with our son, and he seemed to have no interest in me at all. We would rarely talk, and when we did, it usually devolved into fighting. His misery was seeping into everything, spreading out across our home like the blackest of dementors.

And I felt guilty. So guilty that I dared to be unhappy while he was unwell. When he had no real control over how he felt. Our friends and family had so much sympathy for him, and here I was, feeling sorry for myself. I tried to ignore it, to push it down and forget, to distract myself with other tasks. Every time I would feel the sadness welling up and threatening to overwhelm me, I would take up another hobby. I have so many of them now.

If it weren’t for my family, I wouldn’t have any support at all. They help me with James, and someone is usually around if I want to talk. Even so, they don’t know how bad things have become for me. I don’t tell them how lonely I am, or how there are days where I am constantly fighting back tears. I don’t speak about the misery that has surrounded me because I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. As though admitting it will make it real, as if it hasn’t been before now. 

Anyway, back to today. It’s Saturday and Harry is working as always, my mum is watching James so that I can go do my errands without an impatient four-year-old tagging along. I push back the sadness that started rising the moment my mother started talking about my relationship, and enter Diagon Alley with my head held high. I need to buy food, but my first stop in the apothecary so I can pick up some Pepper-Up and other pain potions. We tend to go through those quickly in our house. 

Someone bumps into me on my way to the counter and I find myself looking up at Blaise Zabini. He looks much the same as he did in school, and it’s probably been nearly as long since I’ve seen him. He’s watching me with amusement in his dark eyes, one elegant eyebrow arched and a hint of a smile playing across his full lips. 

“Weasley, my apologies. I didn’t see you down there.”

I roll my eyes at the jab at my height— I’ve always been short, it’s not going to start bothering me now. “Listen Zabini, I don’t expect you to pay attention, but don’t take up my time. I’ve got precious little of it to spare.”

I start to shoulder past him but he stops me with a hand on my arm. I glare up at him, but he speaks before I can give a sarcastic response. 

“I take it that means you wouldn’t be interested in having coffee with me?”

I eye him suspiciously before answering. “I’m married, Zabini.” I start to wave my left hand at him before I realize that I’m not wearing my wedding ring. I rarely wear it anymore. I prefer not to wear jewelry while training and little by little I’ve stopped putting it on at all. Harry stopped wearing his long before. I drop my hand awkwardly and hope he doesn’t notice. 

Zabini’s eyes follow my hand, but he chooses not to mention it. He shrugs at me. “Everyone knows you’re married, Weasley. It’s not like anything Harry Potter does is a secret.”

I choke back a laugh. If they only knew. “Then why are you even asking?” I press curiously. 

“You’re interesting, I guess,” he says. “Or at least you used to be, and house rivalries aren’t an issue anymore. We can talk to and be friends with whomever we choose.”

He has a point, not to mention that I am painfully aware that I have no friends outside of our group and certainly none that aren’t loyal to Harry. “Alright,” I agree. “But if you want to talk you’re going to have to follow me around the market. As I said, I don’t have much free time though we can get a coffee on the way.”

He dips his head in acknowledgment, and I’m surprised when he accepts the offer. I never thought I would see the day when Blaise Zabini would willingly help me pick out produce and carry my groceries. 

~*~*~*~

“When’s daddy going to be home? I want my daddy!” 

James is on the verge of tears and I’m feeling like might unravel completely but I take a deep breath and answer him as calmly as I can. “I already told you, James. I don’t know when daddy is coming home. He’s working late tonight.”

“He’s always working late! I want my daddy!” James shrieks, his face crumpling up. 

My heart constricts in my chest and I feel tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. “I know, and I’m sorry. Let’s just get ready for bed okay? I promise I’ll have him look in on you when he gets home.”

I thank Merlin that James cooperates through brushing his teeth and putting on his pajamas. I read him a bedtime story and kiss him goodnight before slipping back downstairs. I’m crying before I even make it into the kitchen. I slump over the table and clutch hopelessly at my hair. I love my son, but I hate nights like these. Long hours dealing with tantrums and tears when all I want is to throw myself down and scream too. There is nothing worse than having to explain to a child why their father isn’t around when they want him, except maybe having to watch them cry and knowing there is nothing you can do to fix it. 

It’s Tuesday night and I had hoped to go to a class I signed up for, wishing for an escape I guess. A distraction, something else to focus on. Instead, it’s nine o’clock and I trudge up to my empty room and lay down to sleep in an empty bed. When Harry comes in about half an hour later, I pretend to be asleep. 

The following morning while getting ready for work, I broach the topic of hiring a babysitter for James. “It would just be for a couple of hours, two or three nights a week. That way you can stay at work, and I can go to my class or exercise.”

Harry frowns at me from across the kitchen. “Why do we need that?”

I look at him incredulously. “Are you kidding? So that I can go out and not be trapped in this house all the time! I leave work and pick up James and then I’m stuck here until you decide to come home! How is that fair?” 

“Well, if you tell me what days, I can try to be home earlier if it’s not too busy.” He’s staring at the table now like he can’t be bothered to look at me. 

“What kind of guarantee is that?” I’m yelling now, I can’t help it. “I can’t base all of my plans on the  _ possibility _ that you will be home on time!” I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. “I don’t understand what you have against someone else watching James for a few hours here and there. I thought it was the easiest solution.”

Harry glances at me briefly and goes back to staring a hole in the table. “I just don’t see why we need someone else to do it when we can do it ourselves.”

My mouth probably drops open at this point. “But that’s the whole point!” I shout. “We obviously  _ can’t _ do it ourselves. Not if you are always going to work late and I want to have a life outside the house!”

I storm out of the door before he responds. I have to get to practice and I’m so angry that I’ll likely say something I’ll regret if I hang around. 

~*~*~*~

Friday night rolls around and my mum has offered to take James for a sleepover. I am relieved, though I feel a bit guilty for it. Even so, I’m at the Leaky Cauldron with a few of my teammates. I can’t even remember the last time I went out for a drink with anyone. I rarely ever drink at all anymore so a couple of hours and three or four drinks later, I’m feeling pretty tipsy. My teammates all started talking about sex and/or their partners over an hour ago. I slowly retreat further and further away from them. It’s not that I would mind normally, but listening to them talk about it now just causes an ache in my chest. It’s not like I have anything to contribute to the conversation anyway. 

“Knut for your thoughts?” 

I’m jolted from my thoughts by a smooth voice near my ear and look up to see Blaise standing next to me. I’m inordinately happy to see him, probably because I’ve started feeling lonely again. It’s amazing how lonely you can feel when surrounded by people. “Zabini! Have a seat,” I say, kicking out the stool next to me. 

He raises an eyebrow at me. “How many drinks have you had, Weasley?”

“Not nearly enough,” I answer while flagging down the bartender. I’m not as surprised that he takes the seat as I would have been a week ago. 

He accepts a drink from the bartender and turns to look at me. “Why are you drinking alone?”

I frown and gesture toward my friends who are clustered around a table behind us. “I came with them, but I got tired of listening to them talk about relationships.”

“But you’re in a relationship,” he stated, brow furrowing in confusion. 

“Right you are!” I exclaim, jabbing my finger in his face. “The difference is that I don’t want to talk about my relationship.”

“Alright then,” he says, taking a sip of his whiskey and leaning back in his seat. “What do you want to talk about?”

I shrug and take a swig from my glass. “I don’t care as long as it isn’t about relationships or sex.”

“You don’t want to talk about sex either?” he asks in surprise. “And here I thought most people enjoyed that topic.”

I snorted. “Not when they aren’t getting any.” The moment the words are out of my mouth, I want to take them back. I close my eyes in horror, praying that he doesn’t comment. 

“You’re serious?” Blaise asks in disbelief. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve had so much to drink. Maybe it’s because I just don’t have the strength to keep it inside anymore. Whatever the reason, I find myself answering with the truth. “I haven’t had sex in over two years, okay? Harry hasn’t so much as laid a single finger on me in all that time.” I drop my face into my hands and groan miserably. “Please don’t tell anyone. No one knows about this. It’s humiliating.”

When I dare to glance over at him, he’s gaping at me in shock. “I won’t say a word,” he promises. “I certainly understand why that would be upsetting, but why is it humiliating?”

That horrible choking feeling is welling up inside me again. A physical pain that I can’t seem to outrun no matter how hard I try. “Because my husband doesn’t want me!” I gasp through the hot desperation flooding my body. “Because people keep asking me when James will have a little brother and I can’t— I can’t stand it!”

I’m pulling on my hair and fighting against the tears so completely that I barely notice it when Blaise takes my arm and guides me out of the bar. I let him pull me down the street and when he stops a few blocks away and turns toward me, I collapse against him. He lets me sob into his chest, and I think that his arms are the only thing keeping me upright. 

~*~*~*~

“You deserve better,” Blaise says. He’s sitting across from me at his kitchen table, stirring sugar into his coffee and frowning. 

We have become quite friendly over the last few weeks, and I found that once I started spilling my guts to him, I couldn’t stop. It’s nice to finally have someone to talk to after a good two years of isolation though it’s a double-edged sword since it also makes me dwell on what I’ve worked so hard to avoid. Then there is another darker part of me that’s basking in the attention of an attractive male. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt wanted or desirable in any way and I’ve missed it. I find myself fantasizing about Blaise occasionally, wondering what it would be like to kiss him or touch him. I feel guilty about it, but the thoughts are still there. 

Right now, I frown back at him when I answer. “People don’t always get what they deserve, Blaise.”

“I hate seeing you so unhappy. Sometimes you have to change things for yourself.” His brown eyes are focused on mine and I find that I can’t hold his gaze. 

I bite my lip and look down at my hands. “It’s not that easy.”

Blaise stands abruptly and comes around the table to pull me to my feet. His hands are warm on mine and my heart clenches at the unfamiliar contact. He forces me to look up at him with a finger on my chin and before I can put the question forming in my mind into words, he is kissing me. I kiss him back with a feverish intensity. Merlin, it’s been  _ so long  _ since I’ve been kissed, I almost forgot how brilliant it is. 

Still, it doesn’t take long for reality to come crashing down on me again and I push him away. “No, I can’t,” I gasp and stumble away from him. 

“Did I misunderstand? I thought you were interested,” Blaise asks, and he looks hurt. 

I shake my head and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “Blaise, I’m  _ married. _ ”

“Yeah, and you’re  _ miserable _ , Ginny. Why do you keep putting yourself through this?”

I can feel the tears spilling over and I am so angry with myself for so many reasons. “I still love him, Blaise! I love him and James loves him. What else am I supposed to do? There is no good choice here!” I take in a deep breath and try again. “I have to hope it will get better. It’s the only thing I can do.”

Blaise reaches a hand out to me but drops it when I take a step back. “Sometimes love isn’t enough. When are you going to do what’s best for you?” 

A bitter laugh escapes me before I can stuff it back. “I’m doing what’s best for  _ my son _ . I can’t just break apart my family.”

I turn and leave before Blaise can object, and once I’m in the street I touch my lips and wonder when I will stop running away.   
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr for drabbles and other updates!


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